Life's lessons
by Aseret Kitsune
Summary: Even Artemis can learn a thing or two from someone else. SLASH! LEMON! Don't like, don't read.
1. Sex

Warnings: lemon, slash.

Spoilers: none what so ever.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, as much as I'd like to.

Well, I really like this one. Hope you enjoy!

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**Life's Lessons**

Artemis Fowl II stood in front of a full length mirror, naked. He had just hit puberty and had some questions. He had, of course, read books about it, but they didn't answer everything. He was still standing there when Butler knocked on the door.

"Come in." Butler was slightly surprised when he saw the boy, but he noticed something, the boy's arse was as pale as his arms. How did he manage that? Artemis turned to Butler.

"Is this normal?" he asked, indicating the hair around his pale (but nice sized) penis.

"Yes, Artemis, pubic hair is normal."

"Are you sure?" Butler sighed and did the only thing he could think of, pull down all of his bottom layers of clothing and show his pubic hair to Artemis. Artemis' gaze was lost in the masses of curly gray and black hairs. Artemis shook his head and walked back to the bedroom.

"Do you mind if I ask you more questions?"

"Of course not," Butler replied, following the boy genius.

"How do males have six with each other?"

"Well, they do it anally."

"As in penis in arse?" (1)

"Yes. Of course they don't just go at it. If one or more is a virgin, they should be stretched," explained Butler.

"Stretched?"

"Yes, stretched." Artemis still looked confused so Butler explained further. "You stick a finger in their anus. Then, another, and another, until they are properly stretched. You'll also need lubrication, like lotion or a gel." Artemis looked thoughtful. Butler sighed.

"Of course the way to learn is experience." Butler stood up and walked towards his pants.

"Well?" Artemis said expectantly. Butler turned back around, giving the boy a look of confusion.

"I must learn the best way." Butler was surprised. He even thought the boy was joking for a moment; then remembered that Artemis didn't joke. Butler shrugged and walked over to the boy.

"Do you have any lotion?"

"Of course. A genius can't have rough hands."

"Go get it." Artemis took it out of his top dresser drawer and handed it to Butler.

"Bend over," Butler instructed. Artemis obeyed. Butler covered his fingers in lotion and slipped one finger into Artemis' opening. The boy gasped. Butler then added another finger and Artemis felt a tight pain. Finally, Butler added his third finger and eventually took all three out. Artemis let out a sigh of relief.

"Lay down," Butler instructed. Artemis went to the bed a laid. Butler separated the boy's pale cheeks (not the ones on his face) and squeezed lotion all around. Then Butler slowly lowered himself in. He let Artemis get used to the feel and slowly began to pump in and out.

He got faster and faster. Artemis was screaming in orgasmic delight. The older man then came and both gentlemen rolled over, out of breath.

"Butler,"

"Yes, Artemis?"

"Now explain what a blowjob is."

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1. Put that in incase someone doesn't really know what it is.

Just a little something my friend and I came up with. We thought about this on a plane and late at night in our hotel room when we went to San Francisco. Hope you enjoyed!

Man it's funny to let people read this and watch their expressions! Try it sometime! I recommend it for a stressful day.

And again, hope you enjoyed and review if you like!

And if people really like this, there may be a sequel: Life's Lessons 2 Blowjobs. We have absolutely no life.


	2. Blowjobs

Love the feed back, people! Thanks for the reviews! My friend and I decided to make a second chapter.

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Lesson Two: Blowjobs

"What exactly is a 'blowjob'?" that was Artemis' next question.

"Well to put it simply, sucking the other partners privates."

"So if it were you and me, it'd be me sucking your penis."

"Or vise versa."

"Oh," Artemis said thoughtfully. Butler knew what was coming next. He let out his third-fifth sigh that night.

"Sit on the edge of the bed and open your legs," Butler said. Artemis quickly obeyed. Butler, just for the heck of it, stroked Artemis' fading erection until it was hard again. Then he slowly moved his mouth over it until it was covered. Butler then began to suck.

Artemis let out a gasp of pleasure, then began to thrust. Butler got a rhythm with the boy and it continued until Artemis let go. Butler swallowed and began to get up and put his pants on then leave, but Artemis stopped him.

"Yes?" Butler asked.

"It's your turn," the naked fourteen-year-old said. Butler went and sat on the bed. Artemis positioned himself between Butler's legs and held as much of Butler in his mouth and began to suck. Butler thrust and Artemis repeated what Butler did and got a rhythm.

Finally, Butler came in Artemis' mouth. The boy swallowed. Artemis looked up at the giant man. "Butler, what's 'kinky foreplay'?"

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Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are embraced and encouraged! The next one will be out soon. 'Til next time! 


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